Old age and illness
Are not things that are fun to
Be a part of. No.
–
One grandma and one
great aunt and one step grandma
Are all so.. Ending.
–
And endings are so
Bittersweet but mostly they
Suck. Life gets harder.
–
I remember when
I am with them.. Being small
And full of happy.
–
I can remind them
Of happy for a while but
Then we remember..
–
Time and we are lost.
Dementia and cancer will
Win in the end. But
–
The end is not a
Day or a date or a time.
It is a concept.
–
Sometimes I wish that
Concepts would fuck off and leave
Us with the happy.
–
I sit with grandma
And I don’t know who I am.
She’s roaming inside.
–
I hold her paper-
Hand and see right through to blue
Veins and gnarled old bones.
–
It’s like holding air.
Are you there Grandma? Can you
Remember any..
–
Thing? Your cheeks are so
Sunken, is it hard to breathe?
Did your eyes open..
–
Today? Will you o-
Pen them tomorrow? You are
Dissappearing now.
–
Hello auntie, how
Is your day? Did you have a
Good sleep? I love you.
–
I know you look like
You’re there but you lost some parts
Along the way. Thoughts.
–
Remember when you
Were evacuated and
The Americans..
–
Gave you sweets? War was
Not so bad when soldiers brought
Candy, remember?
–
Tell me again how
You were born in a bucket
One Sunday morning.
_
I love to hear how
You lived, all eleven of
You. I am proud to..
–
Be a Family
Such as ours. You weigh less than
A child now. Going..
_
Backwards. Time reverts.
I love you, I love you I
Tell you. Remember?
–
Hello my other grandma,
Not blood but family still,
You look so sad, now.
–
Cancer, they said, is
Back for the third time and this
Time it will claim you.
–
What do you say to
That? Hello cancer, come take
Me when you’re ready?
_
Months, they say. You sit
Staring at the end. I love
You. Remember that.
_
All in your eighties,
Quietly fading and I
Weep for youth gone by.
–
I weep for your lives
And the coming of concepts
And the passing years.
–
I hold my children’s
Hands and walk them through the days,
And we talk of time.
–
But mostly we laugh
Because if we can’t stop time
We can play with it.
–
Family is all.
I didn’t know that I thought
That until I did.
Annalie Seaman 